TOW #20 - New Report Confirms You Are Most Interesting, Most Important Individual On Earth from the Onion

Writing Goals:

To analyze, not summarize. To go back to my thesis and support my analysis.

Reading Goals:

To read a writing with a deeper meaning that requires an higher level close reading and annotating.

You are the most interesting, most important individual on Earth...or are you?

            According to a six-year study that consists of a 220-page report and an analysis of thousand hours, your existence is obviously the most compelling thing on this planet. In New Report Confirms You Are Most Interesting, Most Important Individual on Earth, the Onion claims that the readers, or in this case, you "are the center of everything" (the Onion 7) and cleverly demonstrates the idea of narcissism in a satirical way by using drastic juxtaposition and overly positive diction.

            Throughout the writing, there are numerous examples of when you are compared with other people to illustrate how overly significant you are. Samuel Lerman, the study's lead author, specifically claims that "you are, in short, the only person who matters. The rest of us do not matter" (the Onion 4). Lerman further claims that while your words are "highly desired" and "desperately needed," other people's words are plain "monotony" and "meaninglessness," and that "what other people think or experience is completely irrelevant when compared to even the most minor thoughts and experiences in your everyday life" (the Onion 8). The juxtapositions used here are clearly exaggerated. No matter how important you may be, it wrong to say that the opinions of others are completely irrelevant, and that your existence is the most significant existence in the world. The juxtaposition in the article doesn't actually make you feel better about yourself; it allows you to question whether you are truly important to that drastic extent.

            The Onion also uses overly positive diction to make you as the reader feel like you are important - too important for your own good. Words like "significant," "interesting," and "compelling" describes who you are. Your value to society is "immeasurable," your insights on every topic "well-thought-out", your thought most "profound," your stories most "gripping," and your approval the most "desired"...the list goes on and on. By making countless claims sugar coated with these charming adjectives without giving one actual evidence to support these claims, the fact that this writing is about a scientific research - a research about ever-so-great you - loses all of its credibility. As soon as you as the reader realize that this article is not about the scientific research that you are looking for, you start to realize that this article is not talking about how you are the most significant person on this planet, but that it is talking about narcissism.

            The Onion's article takes the quote "you are the hero of your own story" to a whole new level. By using drastic juxtaposition and overly positive diction, the Onion ingeniously attacks the idea of narcissism indirectly by placing the audience, you, as the main character of the article, because everyone knows that they cannot get enough of your ever-so-"gripping" story.